You have a voice; not always a choice

A Real-Life Example

You’re required to go to school — that’s not optional. But you might get a say in:

• Classes

• Schedules

• Activities

That’s your voice. Time with each parent often works the same way.

Why Time With Both Parents Is Usually Important

Research shows that, in most cases, kids and teens do better long-term when they maintain relationships with both parents, as long as it’s safe. This doesn’t mean:

• You have to agree with them

• You have to like everything about them

• You excuse hurtful behaviour

It means you can:

• Learn what you value

• Learn what you don’t want to repeat

• Take the lessons and leave the rest

That choice is yours.

When Emotions Get in the Way

It’s normal to feel:

• Angry

• Frustrated

• Done with the situation

Those feelings are valid — and they can change over time. Even when it’s uncomfortable, maintaining both relationships is often about future-you, not just present-you.

Empathy Without Agreement

Empathy means understanding someone else’s feelings; not agreeing with them.

Example: “I can imagine how stressful that is for you.”

That’s different from sympathy:

• Sympathy = caring

• Empathy = understanding

Empathy helps communication, especially in tough family situations.

Why This Is About Basic Needs

Think about brushing your teeth. When an adult says, “Please brush your teeth,” it sounds polite — but it’s still a requirement. Spending time with both parents is often treated the same way:

• Not always easy

• Not always fun

• Often important for long-term health and stability

REFLECT: Your Voice Check-In

Answer honestly — there are no right or wrong answers.

1. What parts of time with each parent feel okay or manageable?

2. What parts feel hardest right now?

3. If your voice were fully heard, what would you want adults to understand about your experience?

Why Scheduling Is Complicated

Adults have to balance a lot, including:

• Safety

• School and routines

• Sports, friends, and activities

• Work schedules

• Your needs

• Your parents’ needs

• Siblings’ needs

When parents can’t agree, a decision-maker focuses on the child’s best interests.

Your Voice Gets Stronger Over Time

You have the right to:

• Be heard

• Share your perspective

• Have your maturity considered

As you get older, your voice usually carries more weight in day-to-day decision.