Speak. Send. Listen. Be heard.

Dealing with your parents’ divorce is hard enough, but trying to talk to them when they’re stressed, angry, or upset? That can feel impossible. Sometimes it feels like no matter what you say, they either ignore you or take it the wrong way.

Good news: You can learn how to communicate in a way that gets your message across!

This workbook will help you express yourself clearly, avoid unnecessary drama, and get what you need while keeping the peace.

Let’s get started!

1. Before you speak: What’s the goal?

Before you say anything, ask yourself:

• What do I actually need from this conversation?

• Do I want to get permission for something?

• Do I want to share my feelings?

• Am I just venting? (If so, maybe talk to a friend instead!)

Write down a few things you’ve wanted to say to your parents but weren’t sure how.

Now, think about how you can say it in a way that helps them actually listen. We’ll work on that next!

2. When, Where, and How to Talk to Your Parents

Not every time is the right time to talk. If your parents are already arguing, distracted, or in a bad mood, chances are they won’t hear you the way you want.

Best Times to Talk:

• When they’re calm and relaxed

• When there’s no rush (not 5 minutes before school!)

• When you’re feeling calm yourself

Not-Great Times:

• When they just got home from work and are tired

• When they’re on the phone or busy

• When you’re already mad or upset

If face-to-face isn’t working, writing a text or email might be a better option. More on that later!

The Do’s and Don’ts of Talking to Parents

Do This:

• Keep it short and clear

• Use a calm voice (even if they don’t)

• Stick to the point

• Listen, even if you don’t agree

• Use “I” statements (ex: “I feel stressed when…” instead of “You always…”)

Avoid This:

• Yelling or getting defensive

• Bringing up past mistakes (“You never listen to me!”)

• Blaming (“You’re the reason I feel this way.”)

• Texting something you wouldn’t say in person

4. When You Need to Send a Text Message

Sometimes it’s easier to text or email your parents, especially if talking in person leads to arguments. But messages can be misunderstood if you’re not careful!

How to Write a Good Message:

1. Start with the purpose – Why are you writing?

2. Stick to the facts – Keep emotions out of it.

3. Be polite and clear – Even if you’re frustrated!

4. End with a question if you need a response – “Can you let me know by Friday?”

Example Messages:

Bad Example: “You never pick me up on time. Do you even care?!”

Good Example: “Hey Mom, I noticed pickup times have been off lately. Can we agree on a set time that works for both of us?”

Try writing a message about something you need:

"Hey [Mom/Dad], I wanted to talk about ____________________. Can we find a time to figure it out?"

5. Handling Conflict Like a Pro

Sometimes, no matter how well you say something, your parents might still react badly. That’s not your fault. The key is to stay calm and not add to the fire.

What to Do If They Get Mad or Ignore You:

• Stay calm and don’t yell back.

• If they ignore you, wait and try again later.

• If they blame you for things that aren’t your fault, don’t take it personally.

• If they keep arguing, say, “I don’t want to fight. Let’s talk later.”

6. Practice makes perfect!

Now it’s time to practice everything you’ve learned. Think of a real-life situation where you need to talk to one of your parents. Plan what you’ll say or write.

• What do you need to talk about?

• How will you say it? (Write out your message or conversation plan)

• After you try it, write down how it went. Did they listen? Did you stay calm? What could you do differently next time?