Disengage

Divorce sucks.
No sugarcoating it.

But what makes it even worse? Feeling stuck in the middle, like somehow it’s your job to fix things or that you caused it.

Spoiler alert: You didn’t. And you don’t have to carry the weight of it either.

This guide is all about stepping back, setting boundaries, and keeping your sanity. Let’s get into it.

Why You Feel Stuck

Your parents are fighting, and even if they’re not yelling, you can feel the tension. Maybe one of them vents to you about the other, or they expect you to pick a side. You might even feel like if you were “better” somehow, things wouldn’t be so bad. That’s NOT true. Their divorce is about them, not you.

But here’s the problem—when emotions get high, it’s easy to get pulled into the drama. So, how do you step back?

Step 1: Recognize the Triggers

Triggers are the things that set you off—make you feel angry, sad, or anxious. Some common ones:

• Hearing one parent trash-talk the other

• Feeling responsible for making everyone happy

• Being put in the middle of arguments

• Seeing one parent struggle financially or emotionally

• Being told who you should love or spend more time with

Recognizing what bothers you is the first step to taking back control.

Step 2: Create some space

When emotions are flying, it’s okay to step back. That’s not avoiding—it’s protecting yourself. Some ways to do this:

• **Walk away** when a conversation gets heated

• **Use headphones** or go to another room when your parents start arguing

• **Set boundaries** (Ex: "I don’t want to hear bad things about Mom/Dad")

• **Delay responding** if a text or message stresses you out

You're not responsible for fixing their problems, so don’t let their drama take over your life.

Step 3: Change how you react

Ever notice how some fights just keep going in circles? That’s because reactions fuel the fire. When you stop reacting, the fire dies down.

• If a parent says something hurtful, don’t engage. Just say, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

• If they try to make you pick sides, stay neutral. “I love you both, and I don’t want to get in the middle.”

• If they guilt-trip you, remind yourself it’s not your job to fix them. Their feelings = their responsibility.

The less you let their words affect you, the more power you have over your own emotions.