Disengage
Why you might feel upset
When parents split up, things change. Sometimes, they argue, and even if they don’t, you might feel stuck in the middle. Maybe you worry about making them happy or wonder if they still love you the same way. The truth? They both love you, no matter what, and this is NOT your fault.
Big changes can feel scary, but you’re not alone. Lots of kids go through this, and there are ways to make things easier.
Step 1: Know what bothers you
Sometimes, certain things make you feel sad, angry, or worried. Here are some common ones:
Hearing one parent say mean things about the other
Feeling like you have to choose sides
Thinking you have to make everyone happy
Worrying about where you’ll live or who will take care of you
Feeling like you can’t talk about one parent in front of the other
It’s okay to feel upset about these things. But remember, none of this is your fault.
Step 2: Give yourself space
You don’t have to be in the middle of your parents' problems. Here are ways to step back and feel better:
Take a break – If things get tense, go to another room or play outside.
Listen to music or read a book – Distract yourself with something fun.
Tell your parents how you feel – It’s okay to say, "I don’t like it when you talk about Mom/Dad that way."
Talk to a grown-up you trust – A teacher, grandparent, or counsellor can help.
You deserve to feel safe and happy.
Step 3: Change how you react
Sometimes parents fight or say things that make you feel bad. But you don’t have to get stuck in their drama.
If one parent is upset, it’s not your job to fix it.
If they ask you to pick sides, you don’t have to. You can say, "I love you both."
If they make you feel guilty, remember: you’re just a kid. It’s not up to you to solve their problems.
You don’t have to take on their feelings. Focus on what makes YOU happy.
Step 4: Remember, it’s not your fault
Your parents’ divorce is something they decided, not because of anything you did. Parents get caught up in their emotions and sometimes forget how kids feel. But that’s on them, not you.
If they argue, it’s their fight, not yours.
If they act jealous when you spend time with the other parent, that’s their issue to work on.
If they make you feel bad for loving both parents, know that it’s okay to love them both!
You’re still the amazing kid you’ve always been, no matter what’s happening with them.
Thought: You deserve to be happy.
Your job is to be a kid. Not a referee, not a messenger, and not the one who makes everything okay. Focus on school, friends, and doing things you love. You are important, and you matter.
Divorce can be really confusing, especially when you're a kid. You might feel sad, mad, or even think it's your fault. But guess what? It’s NOT your fault. Grown-ups have problems that kids shouldn’t have to fix. Your job is to be a kid, have fun, and feel safe.
This guide will help you understand what’s happening and how to feel better. Let’s go!